Arizona officials announced that the state budget was balanced today as a result of selling the Grand Canyon to a Chinese company. When asked how the state could sell a national park, a spokesperson said "Possession is nine tenths of the law. The park is inside the state boundary, so we own it. And we sold it. Simple."
Fern Willow, Director of the National Park Service, responded to reporter inquiries with "Say what?"
At the South Rim of the Grand Canyon, Hao Yurong, President of Chengdu University and Manufacturing Company, said they plan on making the transaction profitable by bottling the Colorado River water for sale to Las Vegas and Los Angeles one pint at a time instead of the bulk deal on water those communities now receive. He said the company is still considering what to do with the canyon itself. "This was just too good a deal to pass up. You know what they say - location, location, location."