Flangium Corp. today announced discovery of the largest reserves of unobtainium ever reported, at an undisclosed location in Arizona. The company also reported that significant amounts of handwavium are present in the deposit. The location is being kept secret until land ownership issues are resolved.
Unobtainium is the critical and extremely rare component of wishalloy, which is needed to complete the shell around the Large Hadron Collider before it can be fired up to full power in the next three years. The wishalloy shell is intended to protect the world from being sucked into a black hole generated by the force field in Cern.
The Center for Biological Aversity issued a statement later in the day, noting that where ever the deposit is, it is in a critical and fragile ecosystem and one of the most scenic areas on the planet that will be destroyed forever if mining were to take place. Plus, they threatened to shoot a puppy if permits were issued.
The CEO of Flangium, in response to our inquiry, said, "This stuff is worth $20 million a kilo. We can buy and sell the whole state of Arizona. We already own the State Capitol, both figuratively and literally."
The State Legislature is hearing an emergency bill to provide Flangium Corp. a tax break equal to 200% of all revenues and to legalize dogs to carry concealed weapons for defensive purposes.
Happy April 1st